It's only a Dream....

  Like most nights, i can remember at least one or two segments of dreaming that goes on in my head when i wake up from sleep. That was just a dream... Sometimes i have to tell myself that every day...sometimes all day because it was that effective of alterating my thoughts and creating a strange mood for me to sit in all day...

It's true, the more you record/write down your dreams right away once you wake up, it does improve your ability to remember more or think back. I find myself having deja vu moments frequently. Kind of like yesterday while i was on break at work in the back making myself a cup of tea... Little things like remembering i have been here doing this before... but that is not possibly as i have only worked there a couple weeks. Its so interesting to have that feeling. I've learned to really appreciate it. And sometimes when i find myself upset or pissed off all day due to an odd dream that lasted what seems hours and hours, i think for a second... hmmmm. This is actually so fascinating that this alters my mood so much.. And why? I don't know.. It's only a dream?

It's becoming significant to me.. these signs, symbols, similar places, lengths, times, etc. Everything is remarkable. 

Lets begin on a positive note, a positive flow

"Fleur"

:),

Today I felt like posting something new, a photo for once. 

I took this out in my front yard of Farmington, MN. 

Fall has most definitely...not sprung.. but..uh, arisen?

Aha, I totally love it though. Favorite time of the year.

And you know, i actually quite like the dreary transition into winter because i always become extra productive for some reason, i love the rain, and of course- Fall fashion!

I can't help but be UN-productive at the moment however due to my addiction to beauty/style gurus on youtube. And Pewdiepie. Have you heard of him? His name is Felix, a swedish gamer who screams like a girl all the time (which i laugh at all the time) and has an adorable girlfriend named Marzia, aka CutiePie. 

& 

GAH can i not stop watching both of them..... :]

So that is why i am horribly unproductive.

I just feel like i have this DREAM of becoming something of myself...someone inspirational.  

All these gurus inspire me! 

They are doing their job.

You can only do your best and try your hardest at things in life, I myself am just afraid i am too casual of a thinker and i believe certain luck and goodness happen to people. Everything happens for a reason :)

I just hope my train of thought smoothens out soon and i realize what i want in life

I am now twenty-two years of age, and i know that may not be very old but i still have this confusion inside of me about almost ABSOLUTELY everything!

Guess that is how humans are... that is how we function. What is life without a bit of confusion? :) We would probably hate or dislike ourselves if we had everything we ever wanted. Its nice to work for things and to achieve a happy and high karma for ourselves. 

Keep doing you everyone, things will be smooth one day for all of us :)

∆Shannon

Total Confusion.

Today I can't even explain how I feel. 
My dreams from last night have shaken me.

Have you ever had your day completely ruined due to upsetting/disturbing dreams from the previous night? Godamn... It feels worse than a breakup right now. 
The shittiness keeps on coming today also because I haven't even driven and gone into work yet. 
I feel like killing myself.

In my dream... I felt like I had no control over what I was doing. I was upset in my slumber, then  awaken with this same feeling of no control. 

I have been hoping and practicing for a lucid dream to come my way, and full control, but instead it ends up a nightmare with control that I do not want? I don't know how to explain it and it's pissing me off right now cause I can't spit it out.  I cannot describe it. It was a shit fest in my head. 

At the end of this dream, I'm standing in line at a broken down- dump yard- gated- outdoor- city  airport by the Atlantic ocean in Boston, waiting to get on a plane that I know is going to crash. It fucking upset me. I got on the plane and in the very last row of seats is where I was assigned. Every one was laughing and having good conversation except for me... because I knew we were about to die. (I think they all knew this as well) It was a suicide plane crash waiting to happen. And before that my little cousin was being a slutty whore-bag in my grandmothers house (My grandfather was alive still as well, probably the only positive part of this whole dream was seeing his face, and hearing him, seeing him sit in his usual lazy boy chair...) I was outraged at her behavior.... The ouiji board down in the cellar had gone missing. It was just so weird. I feel as if something dark was inside of me last night. Disturbing me and testing me. 

The part before this I was drugged up at a concert/festival, where it had been raining and full of people everywhere.... I still wasn't happy here as well. It's like I had this negativity on my shoulders the entire night I slept.  Before getting on this "suicide plane" I had even taken some MDMA in my grandmothers house, and little did I know I would be rushing out of the house to be taken to this airport... I hate feeling rushed. Especially having little or no conversation with my grandparents in their home, and all this sin followed me every where I went in this dream... 

WTF. 

I don't even know today... I need to get out of this funk. I think I'm starting my menstrual cycle soon. I don't know why I would be getting this moody for no reason.  Probably doesn't help anything in my head.  

I must go though... Sorry such a negative post this time.  Usually try to talk about something creative or positive, or at least REAL life problems. 

Maybe this dream is sending out a message to me in some way. I have not even described the majority of it. But I remember it all so well, so it must be important. I get better and better at reading my dreams the older I grow. 

All for now...

~Shannon

Lost.

Im a little bit lost right now.

I have been since the summer has ended.

I don't know what i am doing wrong.

Living Situation
Transportation
Family Life
Love Life
Career
Health
Fun
Excitement
Peace
Travel
Money
Mind-set
Personal Style
Schooling
Freedom

These are all necessary things that are result in prime happiness to me. If i don't feel i have a 9/10 in greatness/satisfactory or above in these areas, i am not completely happy with my life. That i can not control how my brain works, and i really have to do my best to strive for these results. I feel like i am so technical typing all of this, and maybe seeming a bit... I don't know, (not selfish) but needy. It's just not enough. And don't get me wrong i have nothing to complain about.. I don't need anymore material things. I could give two shits about technology or cell phones.. It's just.... :/ My mind is not to its full extent in happiness how else can i explain it! Don't you ever feel lost in yourself? Or lost in the world? I had to delete my Facebook because of the annoyance and stress i was feeling from it. I feel my life is boring sometimes...
Maybe it is the cold weather of Minnesota hitting me with emotions this time.. I do not have seasonal depression or whatnot, but i feel i can not be happy without knowing the world is at peace. I feel like the physical world is not doing so hot either. Maybe i worry too much? Am i going delusional slowly with the psychedelics i occasionally take? I thought it was supposed to broaden and expand your horizon of life? It has for me, yes. But maybe that is creeping back upon me and the fears i had during middle school of the world ending is effecting me without true realization. 



I have to shop and spend money to create some sort of numb happiness to prevent boredom in my life, even though half the things i buy i regret.

(Physical things and money may not bring you complete happiness, but it can certainly make things easier and less painless.)

I suppose everyone should shoot for that goal of becoming successful in life, why wouldn't you? You don't have to feel selfish for working hard, but you must make good use out of that fortune.. Some may never be that lucky, but you can always say you tried and that SHOULD bring you some satisfaction. 


I don't know if it is completely normal for everyone my age (twenty one) to feel this way. I have talked to many before and they too have felt lost and alone for periods of time however... Why is it that we allow ourselves to feel this way??
We want completely opposite. We try and try everyday, but maybe not hard enough.

I know for a fact i do not try hard enough at most things because i settle for "Ok" (I'm like my mother) I know i can, but i haven't reached that mind-set yet where i cannot say no or just "ok".

I think i need to step it up... in every one of those categories.


-Confused but determined soul. 

Election Day...One last thought.

If you voted for Obama and you are a college kid tonight I hope you enjoy being unemployed and living with your parents. Those among you with kids have doomed them to less opportunity and to have to shoulder the debt you have wrought on your country by choosing the path of wreckless indifference and personal greed. I hope you enjoy higher gas prices, food prices, and far less freedom. I hope you understand why you will have less choices for medical care and why that quality of care will be diminished. You will have to watch as your children wait in line behind iresponsible people and those that dont pay into our system before they get what you work hard to provide them. You will have to watch as your elderly parents cant get medicare, and more importantly, cant find a doctor willing to take it. If you depend on someone in your family in the medical field get ready to live on far less. If you are Jewish, get ready to see the consequences of ... treating politics as a team sport. Gone are the days when Jews (or anyone else) could aspire to the medical profession and expect to earn a living consumate with the effort they put into achieving. If you are graduating college I wouldnt pack up your room. In short as our nation continues to suffer from a "leader" who apologizes to our enemies, makes us out to be the problem, and thinks the only path to sucess is to take from the workers and give to the dregs I earnestly hope you are keenly aware of your part in this. Whatever you do do not come to me for help when the above befalls you, I will be doing my best to avoid this monstrosity of a govt you have helped to wrought upon your fellow countrymen and this offense goes far beyond " I told you so". We are not simply in disagreement on an issue we are on fundamentaly different planes of reality. I hope you are in a union because you just voted to pay more taxes so the annointed few can retire early and get better pay and benefts than you. You helped support a candidate whos stratregy was to empower all the pople in society who drag it down including the people who are here illegally. You have devalued your vote, your citizenship, and your own currency. You have betrayed the fundamental principles this country was founded on to play "elitist liberal roulette" with our futures and get some temporary goodies from the govt on the backs of your kids. I have no respect for you. I have no sympathy for you. You are beneath contempt. You are traitors to your country and selfish elitist swine. May the next four years be as miserable for you as it will be for those you have wrought this disaster on.

Wow...

Im so glad I am in school :)
But not so glad I have to work still :(
I always work. I will never get a break.

Also...

Did not wish my boyfriend lived 3 hours away.
:/

Hmmmf...
Tired of cuddling alone at night with my estranged kitty.

Random thoughts before i go to bed.

SWWWWWWWWWWWWEET

LAZERBASS - Rosetta Stoned [DEMO-CLIP]