we're about to get nutz.

Hiiiiighh. Like the sky.


I've dreamed about this very moment my whole entire life.
W H E N - whenever i'm hggh
WH O - robby
W HAT - this night in present time




HEY i just met you. and this is crazy.
so here's my number. so DON'T call me maybe.



















:) 
Jk you can. 








Nahhh...nehhh.. Not!

My body;it aches. My knees;they shake

Helllllllllllo--

It smells like feet in my presence..

and not good clean ones either.

Why am I still up?

I don't know.

RANDOMNESS & RANDOM THOUGHTS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I_cV8VcaVQ


I love this song^ 
& I've probably watched 500 days of summer about every night the past 10 days.




I need a massage like, Asap. Before I die and crinkle up in the rain.




Had a really fun day at Ikea today :)




REALLY want to get a tattoo. Or 2.
First one: 'Free' on my collar bone
Second one: Sweet Dispositon lyrics on my back/ribs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-ENipUB8NI&feature=related
^This song.
Third one: Individualized trippy tree design on my ass/hip




& Time for me to go to bed. Goodbye, friends.






-Shaniquaaa

Hope for myself

I feel like I'm trapped in this world where I am so confused about everything.
I'm not sure what my purpose is quite yet... Its killing me inside, ha.

Everything I want seems so out of reach. I have NO idea where to start. I feel so old right now. Is that crazy? Because I'm only 20? I'll be 21 on July 19th this year, and I STILL don't know what I want to do in my life. I know tons of kids go through this same shit, but it's driving me absolutely fucking crazy right now that I am wasting my life smoking weed everyday, sitting in my house alone for hours at a time, sleeping in past noon everyday, partying a couple days a week, working maybe once a week at my shitty retail job (not working at ALL my makeup job which pisses me off), living at my parents house, having no opportunities with friends or anything to get away or move, having to pay for a student loan already which I am not even doing what I was trained, losing faith in myself every fucking day, having broke friends, putting myself down or having others drain me of my confidence more and more everyday.

I DON'T FEEL PRETTY.
I DO NOT.

My fantasy dream of modeling seems so far out of reach too :/ two more years and I will probably not be able to get into that ever.

My sisters and I rarely talk I feel. No one supports me.

Paying bills suck ass. Especially when you barely work enough to pay them.
Like... How the hell am I supposed to start fresh somewhere else?

I have ALL this stupid petty shit dragging me down and I don't know how to go about things anymore. I'm lost, and I'm sure as hell not getting any younger.

At least I have hopes and dreams of happiness and steady nice paychecks and a family and nice house and fucking EVERYTHING.

I just don't see anything happening for me right now.
I need a pick-me-up.
I don't want to rely on ANYONE to make me happy either. I want to master how to create my own happiness.

I feel like running away..

I wish my parents would have educated me on college while I was in high school. I wish I had done better in high school...

I could be partying at a fucking pool party right now like Robby getting fucking hammered with hot attractive people not giving a shit about life today but NO. I have to be sitting here in an old 20 year old smelly sweatshirt and ugly sweatpants freezing my ass off in my cold ass Minnesota BASEMENT. Oh and add complaining about everything in life to that too. I hate being a complainer.

Especially when it has to do with my life...

Life is SHORT.

Literally..
I have been thinking a lot about how I am going to be 21 this year.
Part of me does not want to age. Age is only a number but..

Still...

I have only so much time while i'm young. I won't be able to get away with much
when im 25...or 32...45....69...80??
(Nah, i'll be dead by 80.)

I need to explore life more...
I'm so caught up in having structure.
Sure its important, but is it really necessary to have completed college by 23..?
Or be married by 25?
Know what my future is right now. Ha...

I will never know, i swear.

Does it really matter what people think of me?
I only have this life to look forward..
I don't know if there will be a second chance for anything.
I'm tired of regretting..

I should just do what i want and Stfu?

I think so.
<3

If I had a gun, i'd shoot a hole into the sun; for you.

Is it still considered "cheating" if it isn't with another man?

What if it's a woman. And Yes, I am talking about myself in this situation.

Not that I have cheated in any way..on anyone. Technically I am not dating someone now. (WAH? Murry?)

Gosh but BAH. I am getting myself confused.

Why is it when I want something how I would like, but then it comes true/real, and then I feel

like something's missing still.. but everything is how I wanted it?

Well not everything exactly... not the part about me and him being together physically anymore..(Long distance)

Or getting married and having babies..

Not that I need those anytime soon either. I need a career first.

Cosmetology... meh... its not what I thought. I enjoy it but then again I don't enjoy the atmosphere and the people. I am a hippy at heart after all. A tree hugger. Not a product lover. Ironic.

I need something practical.

More practical then hair.

But anyhow---

I never felt this way about a woman before ha...

Her name being said out loud makes me excited.

And seeing her (although i've only seen her twice) makes me nervous and twitchy inside.

I met her at a Pretty Lights show in Minneapolis for the first time. Thought she was gorgeous...

I saw her again a few nights ago at a party in the twin cities, and I didn't want to feel stalker-ish and follow her, but I really wanted to Lol.. I being drunk as crap, told her I thought she was super pretty..

All to find out the next morning that she actually was a lesbian. (OMG. GOOD. SO I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE A FREAK OF NATURE FOR LIKING HER)

Something about her...her essence..She's cool. :)

I hope I see her again.

Gosh thats weird for me to say.

I am SUCH.. a lesbatron.

Baby, You and I.

"We got a whole lotta money but were still payin' rent,

cause we can't buy a house in heaven yet"

Minnesota Minnesota Minnesota. I love you.

Why am i so stuck on this idea of love?

Why can't i ever get you outta my head..

Playin World of Warcraft.

Think i developed temporary carpal tunel in my left hand from playing just now.

Owwwwwww..

Im just sore all over :/

Goodnight ya'll. <3

Hmmf. Pfft. Gaghhhh.

Soooo.

I have not written in this blog in wow like, three months?

Where have i been?

Oh, i don't know..

Blowing everything out of my ass.

It just seems like, WHOOP.

There it goes.

My dignity.

Taking every last word back,

and every step,

every breath,

every lie,

every song,

every smile,

EVERY. LAST. Thing.

Mmm... Maybe i'm just overreacting. Or just being weird.

Cause i don't quite know what im talking about now anyways.

Just making things up to sound poetic and like an arteeesstt i suppose....

Just, thought i'd update though.

My life seems a bit more cheerful now and not as dreary.

I'm kind of NOT waiting for something horrible and depressing to happen though.

I'm just..trying to live life. Not suicidal...or bitchy.

As for relationships...with that boy.

We are friends now..

I think he realizes he loves me.

Finally...

Too bad hes going away in a few months.

Oh well... What is a girl to do :/

I've been through shitty hellhole stages with that kid, but i cant quite leave him alone.

And Neither can he.

We're doomed.

Oh well though..

I guess one more earthquake on this planet and it all will be ending anyhow..

So..maybe i can die with the man i love?

And my family of course...

It just.. you know. Sounds more romantic imagining just he and i falling into an endless, bottomless, rocky, boiling pit of hot lauva- EARTHQUAKE. FLOOD. TSUNAMI.

Yay....

Well <3

Bye for noww.