If I had a gun, i'd shoot a hole into the sun; for you.

Is it still considered "cheating" if it isn't with another man?

What if it's a woman. And Yes, I am talking about myself in this situation.

Not that I have cheated in any way..on anyone. Technically I am not dating someone now. (WAH? Murry?)

Gosh but BAH. I am getting myself confused.

Why is it when I want something how I would like, but then it comes true/real, and then I feel

like something's missing still.. but everything is how I wanted it?

Well not everything exactly... not the part about me and him being together physically anymore..(Long distance)

Or getting married and having babies..

Not that I need those anytime soon either. I need a career first.

Cosmetology... meh... its not what I thought. I enjoy it but then again I don't enjoy the atmosphere and the people. I am a hippy at heart after all. A tree hugger. Not a product lover. Ironic.

I need something practical.

More practical then hair.

But anyhow---

I never felt this way about a woman before ha...

Her name being said out loud makes me excited.

And seeing her (although i've only seen her twice) makes me nervous and twitchy inside.

I met her at a Pretty Lights show in Minneapolis for the first time. Thought she was gorgeous...

I saw her again a few nights ago at a party in the twin cities, and I didn't want to feel stalker-ish and follow her, but I really wanted to Lol.. I being drunk as crap, told her I thought she was super pretty..

All to find out the next morning that she actually was a lesbian. (OMG. GOOD. SO I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE A FREAK OF NATURE FOR LIKING HER)

Something about her...her essence..She's cool. :)

I hope I see her again.

Gosh thats weird for me to say.

I am SUCH.. a lesbatron.

Baby, You and I.

"We got a whole lotta money but were still payin' rent,

cause we can't buy a house in heaven yet"

Minnesota Minnesota Minnesota. I love you.

Why am i so stuck on this idea of love?

Why can't i ever get you outta my head..

Playin World of Warcraft.

Think i developed temporary carpal tunel in my left hand from playing just now.

Owwwwwww..

Im just sore all over :/

Goodnight ya'll. <3

Hmmf. Pfft. Gaghhhh.

Soooo.

I have not written in this blog in wow like, three months?

Where have i been?

Oh, i don't know..

Blowing everything out of my ass.

It just seems like, WHOOP.

There it goes.

My dignity.

Taking every last word back,

and every step,

every breath,

every lie,

every song,

every smile,

EVERY. LAST. Thing.

Mmm... Maybe i'm just overreacting. Or just being weird.

Cause i don't quite know what im talking about now anyways.

Just making things up to sound poetic and like an arteeesstt i suppose....

Just, thought i'd update though.

My life seems a bit more cheerful now and not as dreary.

I'm kind of NOT waiting for something horrible and depressing to happen though.

I'm just..trying to live life. Not suicidal...or bitchy.

As for relationships...with that boy.

We are friends now..

I think he realizes he loves me.

Finally...

Too bad hes going away in a few months.

Oh well... What is a girl to do :/

I've been through shitty hellhole stages with that kid, but i cant quite leave him alone.

And Neither can he.

We're doomed.

Oh well though..

I guess one more earthquake on this planet and it all will be ending anyhow..

So..maybe i can die with the man i love?

And my family of course...

It just.. you know. Sounds more romantic imagining just he and i falling into an endless, bottomless, rocky, boiling pit of hot lauva- EARTHQUAKE. FLOOD. TSUNAMI.

Yay....

Well <3

Bye for noww.

Blow this joint.

I hope to keep a personal journal like this for many years..
And i know technology is only going to become more and more advanced and shit, so... It will be as simple as a snap.

Snaps sometimes are difficult though... Whatever though, good comparison.

I really want to get back into school. I'm killing to get out of this state. Even if that means leave loved ones behind...

I'm on a search for the one. My soulmate. Whether that be a male or female.
I know i may never find such a person, but it's possible...


Today i want to draw.
Draw. Draw.
Your face is inspiration,
your body moves with such grace & pattern.
Your mouth the focal point.
Your sweet..
Twirl around my pad.

My charcoal utensils....


I think i found a very important piece of myself.
The artist in me.
I indeed, am the strangest person i have ever known.
And if i ever shall find someone as awkward as, well, I...
I don't know how i will react.
I will find you fascinating,
but intimidating.
You already scare me, just imagine.
Possibilities will flourish!
Probably too many to handle at once,
but its alright..
we have all yet of life to discover!
I just hope your ready for it, my dear.


Peace.