Lost.

Im a little bit lost right now.

I have been since the summer has ended.

I don't know what i am doing wrong.

Living Situation
Transportation
Family Life
Love Life
Career
Health
Fun
Excitement
Peace
Travel
Money
Mind-set
Personal Style
Schooling
Freedom

These are all necessary things that are result in prime happiness to me. If i don't feel i have a 9/10 in greatness/satisfactory or above in these areas, i am not completely happy with my life. That i can not control how my brain works, and i really have to do my best to strive for these results. I feel like i am so technical typing all of this, and maybe seeming a bit... I don't know, (not selfish) but needy. It's just not enough. And don't get me wrong i have nothing to complain about.. I don't need anymore material things. I could give two shits about technology or cell phones.. It's just.... :/ My mind is not to its full extent in happiness how else can i explain it! Don't you ever feel lost in yourself? Or lost in the world? I had to delete my Facebook because of the annoyance and stress i was feeling from it. I feel my life is boring sometimes...
Maybe it is the cold weather of Minnesota hitting me with emotions this time.. I do not have seasonal depression or whatnot, but i feel i can not be happy without knowing the world is at peace. I feel like the physical world is not doing so hot either. Maybe i worry too much? Am i going delusional slowly with the psychedelics i occasionally take? I thought it was supposed to broaden and expand your horizon of life? It has for me, yes. But maybe that is creeping back upon me and the fears i had during middle school of the world ending is effecting me without true realization. 



I have to shop and spend money to create some sort of numb happiness to prevent boredom in my life, even though half the things i buy i regret.

(Physical things and money may not bring you complete happiness, but it can certainly make things easier and less painless.)

I suppose everyone should shoot for that goal of becoming successful in life, why wouldn't you? You don't have to feel selfish for working hard, but you must make good use out of that fortune.. Some may never be that lucky, but you can always say you tried and that SHOULD bring you some satisfaction. 


I don't know if it is completely normal for everyone my age (twenty one) to feel this way. I have talked to many before and they too have felt lost and alone for periods of time however... Why is it that we allow ourselves to feel this way??
We want completely opposite. We try and try everyday, but maybe not hard enough.

I know for a fact i do not try hard enough at most things because i settle for "Ok" (I'm like my mother) I know i can, but i haven't reached that mind-set yet where i cannot say no or just "ok".

I think i need to step it up... in every one of those categories.


-Confused but determined soul. 

Election Day...One last thought.

If you voted for Obama and you are a college kid tonight I hope you enjoy being unemployed and living with your parents. Those among you with kids have doomed them to less opportunity and to have to shoulder the debt you have wrought on your country by choosing the path of wreckless indifference and personal greed. I hope you enjoy higher gas prices, food prices, and far less freedom. I hope you understand why you will have less choices for medical care and why that quality of care will be diminished. You will have to watch as your children wait in line behind iresponsible people and those that dont pay into our system before they get what you work hard to provide them. You will have to watch as your elderly parents cant get medicare, and more importantly, cant find a doctor willing to take it. If you depend on someone in your family in the medical field get ready to live on far less. If you are Jewish, get ready to see the consequences of ... treating politics as a team sport. Gone are the days when Jews (or anyone else) could aspire to the medical profession and expect to earn a living consumate with the effort they put into achieving. If you are graduating college I wouldnt pack up your room. In short as our nation continues to suffer from a "leader" who apologizes to our enemies, makes us out to be the problem, and thinks the only path to sucess is to take from the workers and give to the dregs I earnestly hope you are keenly aware of your part in this. Whatever you do do not come to me for help when the above befalls you, I will be doing my best to avoid this monstrosity of a govt you have helped to wrought upon your fellow countrymen and this offense goes far beyond " I told you so". We are not simply in disagreement on an issue we are on fundamentaly different planes of reality. I hope you are in a union because you just voted to pay more taxes so the annointed few can retire early and get better pay and benefts than you. You helped support a candidate whos stratregy was to empower all the pople in society who drag it down including the people who are here illegally. You have devalued your vote, your citizenship, and your own currency. You have betrayed the fundamental principles this country was founded on to play "elitist liberal roulette" with our futures and get some temporary goodies from the govt on the backs of your kids. I have no respect for you. I have no sympathy for you. You are beneath contempt. You are traitors to your country and selfish elitist swine. May the next four years be as miserable for you as it will be for those you have wrought this disaster on.