It's only a Dream....

  Like most nights, i can remember at least one or two segments of dreaming that goes on in my head when i wake up from sleep. That was just a dream... Sometimes i have to tell myself that every day...sometimes all day because it was that effective of alterating my thoughts and creating a strange mood for me to sit in all day...

It's true, the more you record/write down your dreams right away once you wake up, it does improve your ability to remember more or think back. I find myself having deja vu moments frequently. Kind of like yesterday while i was on break at work in the back making myself a cup of tea... Little things like remembering i have been here doing this before... but that is not possibly as i have only worked there a couple weeks. Its so interesting to have that feeling. I've learned to really appreciate it. And sometimes when i find myself upset or pissed off all day due to an odd dream that lasted what seems hours and hours, i think for a second... hmmmm. This is actually so fascinating that this alters my mood so much.. And why? I don't know.. It's only a dream?

It's becoming significant to me.. these signs, symbols, similar places, lengths, times, etc. Everything is remarkable. 

Lets begin on a positive note, a positive flow

"Fleur"

:),

Today I felt like posting something new, a photo for once. 

I took this out in my front yard of Farmington, MN. 

Fall has most definitely...not sprung.. but..uh, arisen?

Aha, I totally love it though. Favorite time of the year.

And you know, i actually quite like the dreary transition into winter because i always become extra productive for some reason, i love the rain, and of course- Fall fashion!

I can't help but be UN-productive at the moment however due to my addiction to beauty/style gurus on youtube. And Pewdiepie. Have you heard of him? His name is Felix, a swedish gamer who screams like a girl all the time (which i laugh at all the time) and has an adorable girlfriend named Marzia, aka CutiePie. 

& 

GAH can i not stop watching both of them..... :]

So that is why i am horribly unproductive.

I just feel like i have this DREAM of becoming something of myself...someone inspirational.  

All these gurus inspire me! 

They are doing their job.

You can only do your best and try your hardest at things in life, I myself am just afraid i am too casual of a thinker and i believe certain luck and goodness happen to people. Everything happens for a reason :)

I just hope my train of thought smoothens out soon and i realize what i want in life

I am now twenty-two years of age, and i know that may not be very old but i still have this confusion inside of me about almost ABSOLUTELY everything!

Guess that is how humans are... that is how we function. What is life without a bit of confusion? :) We would probably hate or dislike ourselves if we had everything we ever wanted. Its nice to work for things and to achieve a happy and high karma for ourselves. 

Keep doing you everyone, things will be smooth one day for all of us :)

∆Shannon

Total Confusion.

Today I can't even explain how I feel. 
My dreams from last night have shaken me.

Have you ever had your day completely ruined due to upsetting/disturbing dreams from the previous night? Godamn... It feels worse than a breakup right now. 
The shittiness keeps on coming today also because I haven't even driven and gone into work yet. 
I feel like killing myself.

In my dream... I felt like I had no control over what I was doing. I was upset in my slumber, then  awaken with this same feeling of no control. 

I have been hoping and practicing for a lucid dream to come my way, and full control, but instead it ends up a nightmare with control that I do not want? I don't know how to explain it and it's pissing me off right now cause I can't spit it out.  I cannot describe it. It was a shit fest in my head. 

At the end of this dream, I'm standing in line at a broken down- dump yard- gated- outdoor- city  airport by the Atlantic ocean in Boston, waiting to get on a plane that I know is going to crash. It fucking upset me. I got on the plane and in the very last row of seats is where I was assigned. Every one was laughing and having good conversation except for me... because I knew we were about to die. (I think they all knew this as well) It was a suicide plane crash waiting to happen. And before that my little cousin was being a slutty whore-bag in my grandmothers house (My grandfather was alive still as well, probably the only positive part of this whole dream was seeing his face, and hearing him, seeing him sit in his usual lazy boy chair...) I was outraged at her behavior.... The ouiji board down in the cellar had gone missing. It was just so weird. I feel as if something dark was inside of me last night. Disturbing me and testing me. 

The part before this I was drugged up at a concert/festival, where it had been raining and full of people everywhere.... I still wasn't happy here as well. It's like I had this negativity on my shoulders the entire night I slept.  Before getting on this "suicide plane" I had even taken some MDMA in my grandmothers house, and little did I know I would be rushing out of the house to be taken to this airport... I hate feeling rushed. Especially having little or no conversation with my grandparents in their home, and all this sin followed me every where I went in this dream... 

WTF. 

I don't even know today... I need to get out of this funk. I think I'm starting my menstrual cycle soon. I don't know why I would be getting this moody for no reason.  Probably doesn't help anything in my head.  

I must go though... Sorry such a negative post this time.  Usually try to talk about something creative or positive, or at least REAL life problems. 

Maybe this dream is sending out a message to me in some way. I have not even described the majority of it. But I remember it all so well, so it must be important. I get better and better at reading my dreams the older I grow. 

All for now...

~Shannon